Being a reluctant Dad doesn’t change the fact that my two little people are by far and away the best ‘things’ to happen to me. As I’ve talked about before they’ve brought me joy like I’ve never known before.
Now that I’m single and no longer worrying whether I’ll see the kids or a court case I’ve been wondering whether finding someone new to enjoy life with. At 30 years old though many ‘potential suitors’ will be thinking about having kids and so I’ve been thinking about that too.
What if I do find someone who coaxes me away from the freedom I’m enjoying being single, and that person wants kids of their own?
Since The Boy came along I’ve suffered from depression, and I sometimes wonder how much more I would have enjoyed that first two years had I been in a trusting, loving relationship.
I’m missing out on a hell of a lot with The Girl now, and I think back to how wonderful it was to watch The Boy grow and learn every day. I want to experience that with her. I want to play with her every day and see her learn new things all the time, but that’s impossible in just the few hours I get to see her each week.
While I was a reluctant dad, I’m certainly not reluctant about being a father to my kids. On the contrary, I find it exciting and rewarding and wouldn’t give it up for anything.
But I may even be developing a desire to have more children. The prospect of being in a good relationship with someone I love and can trust and with whom I can raise a child every day and enjoy that incredibly rewarding experience is definitely appealing.