Sleep is evading me tonight, not that I’m surprised.
Nervousness has it’s grip on me because in less than 9 hours I will meet my daughter for the first time.
She’ll be 19 days old by the time I get to hold her and look into her eyes.
The last two weeks (I was only told she had arrived four days after the fact) has been torture.
To her I’ll be a stranger. She might be unsettled by me and scream. What if she’s sleeping and doesn’t even see me? What if my ex is awkward and doesn’t let me hold her, or take photos?
These are all things running through my mind. I try to focus on the fact that I’ll at least get to see her at last but it’s a big moment and I can’t help those thoughts surfacing.
I’m also aware that I’m lucky. Many fathers are kept away from their children indefinitely and have to wait months for a court to decide if and when they can see their children.
My little girl and I will get to spend two hours per week together for now. It’s almost nothing, but it is something and I’ll treasure every second.