Hi, I’m Phil. I decided to start blogging about being a dad, and this is my story, to introduce myself.
I never wanted to be a dad. For as long as I was able to contemplate such things, I knew I didn’t want to be a father. It’s not that I decided I’d rather not have kids, but that not an inch of my being felt like that was something I wanted in my life.
So many times I’ve been told “oh you will someday”. Infuriatingly condescending. I (relatively) recently equated that attitude to telling a homosexual that it’s a “phase” they’ll “grow out of” because it’s that level of feeling for me.
But you’re a dad?
Yes. Through some mutual irresponsibility my partner became pregnant. It wasn’t until my son was just weeks away from birth that I knew though. I might tell that part of the story at some point but for now just know that his Mom and I are separated but only recently.
The recency is due to it happening again. Another case of mutual irresponsibility for which I’ll kick myself for eternity. Having had the pregnancy hidden from me for five months I decided I couldn’t remain with my partner given the repeated, huge, betrayal of trust.
Why blog about it?
Well, I’m single now. I’m going through the separation which has included being denied access to my son (though I have some now) and I’m scared about when/if I’ll get to meet and spend time with my daughter (once she arrives).
Having never even considered being a father, that last (nearly) two years has been… interesting. I’ve struggled, but I’ve also raised an amazing little boy. There’s little point trying to put into words the love I have for him and the happiness he brings me, I don’t think I could.
This blog is to help me build a personal reference to things that work and don’t as I continue my new journey as a single father. I’m hoping I can use it as a sort of scrapbook for ideas and experiences from other bloggers. Perhaps it could help other parents in a similar way. It’ll evolve organically, either way.
One thing I definitely won’t do, based on my search for other daddy bloggers, is do advertorials/paid reviews. So many of the blogs I’ve found have been far too dominated by what are essentially adverts. I hate that, and I think it ruins the personality of a blog.
I’m also not an aspiring writer. I’m doing this to help me improve as a father, not build a fan base and get a publishing deal or start a crowd-funded project.
Thanks for reading!